Faith of Our Fathers

This Sunday, our parish priest began his homily with a quote from Pope John the 23rd. To give context to the quote, it was apparently given to a group of American parents who had been given a private audience with the Pope to discuss challenges in regards to parenting in a modern world. In his address to them, he said "It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father [...] The act of having children no more makes someone a mother than the act of owning a piano makes makes someone a musician." Ultimately, there is more to being a parent than mere biology. The purpose for this quote was to encourage parents to invest time in the lives of their children and I was forced to think about my own beginnings, my parents, and the parents I have never known.

Those of you who know me, know that I am the product of adoption. It is not a sensitive topic for me in any way and I believe I am very well adjusted when it comes to my handle on life, the universe, and everything. I have never been racked by feelings of abandonment (at least not due to adoption) nor have I ever questioned whether or not my parents loved me, adoptive or biological. I have never felt a strong desire to seek out my biological parents, nor have I ever, not even in my rebellious adolescent tantrums, suggested that my Mom and Dad "were not my real parents."

I have always known that I was adopted...that is, I cannot remember not knowing or how it was that my parents first told me I was not theirs through biological means...and it has never troubled me. I have always understood that my biological parents could not provide for me the life they wanted me to have. They made their decision based on a love for me more than any other consideration. They made prequalifications as to what kind of family could have me. They used a Catholic adoption agency and it was important to them that I be raised Catholic. They chose an agency that practiced anonymous adoptions, and I have always felt that that choice deserved more respect than any curiosity I might have personally. Above all, I was raised in a loving, forgiving, and supportive family in which I can see (as an adult, if not always so clearly as a child) the patience, self-sacrifice, and enduring (and often quiet) love of my mother and father. I have never for a moment thought the "grass might be greener" on the other side of parenting and these facts play a major role in my personal identity. On both sides of this story of adoption I see two resonating themes...the first being the undeniable transformative power of Love...and the importance and persistence of Faith as a product of understanding what Love is and has the power to do.

My life has given me greater understanding of God the Father and Christ the son. I can feel the story of Christ's being more acutely. I can empathize with Mary and Joseph, and experience my brotherhood with Christ through a spirit of adoption unlike the way others might. I can express, at times when I am forced to stop and think, how much I love my Mom and Dad and the surety I feel that one day I will see the face of my biological parents and be able to express the love and gratitude I feel for and to them...and the choice that they made for me. Their choice, and the way they made it, gave me Faith from the very beginning, a confidence and strength that has been my shield through whatever slings and arrows I have faced. Their choice, solidified by my Mom and Dad and their daily and persistent example of love for me and for each other, has made me who I am, in the version of me that I most like. To my Moms and Dads...I love you, both in California, and in parts unknown.

What impact have your parents had on your life and if it applies, what type of parent are you? When was the last time you told your parents you loved them? If you have kids, have you hugged them recently, played a board game or thrown a ball around anytime lately?

As for me and my house, we wish you a very Merry Christmas and the Happiest of what the New Year has to offer.